傾盤大雨的日子總叫我想起張愛玲的小說【多少恨】。雨水像一個陰魂不散的幽怨女鬼的披頭長髮，重覆地在我的眼前拂來拂去，擾擾攘攘。其實小說裡好像沒有什麼下大雨的場境，但【多少恨】這故事仍然是幽幽怨怨的。
【多少恨】女主角虞家茵是一個獨居在上海的女子，年方廿五歲。她往一所富有人家打工，當一個小女孩的家庭教師，不經不覺和男主人互相傾慕。男主人打算照顧虞家茵，誰知虞家茵的父親卻跑出來，先要拿許多著數。虞家茵覺得羞愧，便終止與男主人的戀愛，隻身跑往廈門去。
張愛玲筆下有屢見這些一走了之的女子。【多少恨】的虞家茵出走廈門，【小兒女】的景慧獨自到離島去教書，【傾城之戀】的白流蘇無情情跑到香港來其實也是一種出走。我也有出走的傾向。當事情剪不斷理還亂時我便想一個人逃走。
【多少恨】還有一幕場境時常縈繞我眼前：虞家茵洗了手帕，然後把手帕一塊一塊地貼在玻璃窗面上晾晒。這場境在【紅玫瑰白玫瑰】中也有。
我為了給我的IT男朋友送午餐，現在廚房堆了一大堆碗碗碟碟煲呀食物盒呀，又淋了個混身濕透。我很想逃走我不想洗碗，另一方面我那濕得擰出水來的連身裙卻貼不上玻璃窗面，真是多少恨呀。恨恨恨恨恨恨恨恨恨恨。
星期三, 6月 29, 2011
Melissa Jelly Shoes
（做咩仲唔訓呀？嘿放假吖嘛）我喜歡膠鞋，ferragamo 同款不同色有四對，其中兩對已經著到爛，日著夜著，連營養師也驚歎：「嘩你真係長著長有架喎。」
Melissa 我仲多呀。多到大部份攞黎擺，真正落場的卻不過是兩三對。Melissa 的鞋楦不合我腳形，但 wearability 點低都好，我都係係咁買。
Melissa 在海港城的專門店七月開幕？好呀好呀。我一定擇定吉時去朝聖。
其實 Melissa 除了 D-mop 有售外，仲有好多地方有。Melissa 來港開專門店，這些店如何應對呢？
相愛難長久 誰可以一生廝守 終於誰也不開口 就放手 殘葉伴雪飄水自流 眼淚卻不流 春蠶夏蟬雁過秋 皺紋千重厚 為何我們當初不回頭
石詠莉 – 極樂
主唱：石詠莉
作曲：Alex Fung @ The invisible Man
填詞：梁柏堅
編曲：Alex Fung @ The invisible Man
監製：Alex Fung @ The invisible Man
歌詞
無情便休 往事易白頭
千杯酒平日月 百詩度春秋
紅塵白玉香 春風沒法留
千古未央夜風流 絕世樓
月下孤舟 穿梭水不休
極樂下看苦竹 魚在水中游
青絲紫紗守 冬梅卻白首
油盡一刻把倒影帶走
相愛難長久 誰可以一生廝守
終於誰也不開口 就放手
殘葉伴雪飄水自流 眼淚卻不流
春蠶夏蟬雁過秋 皺紋千重厚
為何我們當初不回頭
月下孤舟 穿梭水不休
極樂下看苦竹 魚在水中游
青絲紫紗守 冬梅卻白首
油盡一刻把倒影帶走
相愛難長久 誰可以一生廝守
終於誰也不開口 就放手
殘葉伴雪飄水自流 眼淚卻不流
春蠶夏蟬雁過秋 皺紋千重厚
為何我們當初不 回頭
天地難長久 長久都有個盡頭
很多事說不出口 都有理由
殘葉伴雪水自流 眼淚卻不流
春蠶夏蟬雁過秋 酒盡眼淚流
你若無情我便休 往事如昨易白頭
把酒吟詩百首度春秋
星期二, 6月 28, 2011
給大哥哥
Motherhood Monday: 8 confessions of a new dad - A CUP OF JO
by Joanna Goddard on Jun 28, 2011 10:04 AM
For today's second Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about new fatherhood. On the three-hour drive home from the beach this weekend, Alex and I started talking about parenthood, and he revealed a few funny and surprising thoughts on our first year with a baby. Here were his eight revelations, in his own words...
1. "I didn't bond with the baby right away."
The experience of fatherhood is thrilling, but so hard at the same time. I loved Toby from the second I saw him. But the first few months, to be honest, were pure adjustment. The baby is so helpless, and you're so clueless, and you don’t have that strong chemical, hormonal and emotional bond with the child, in the same way the mother does.
You spend the first six months of your baby's life cramming this giant rule book. You have to learn everything—how to hold the baby, how to swaddle, how to change a diaper. I had never played with dolls or even babysat, so it was totally, totally new.
I did enjoy it--it was a fascinating odyssey and deeply satisfying--but, secretly, at the same time, if Joanna had walked in and said, "My mom's going to take over for the next month," I would have been thrilled.
2. "Time alone with the baby was surprisingly profound."
Even though I was so lost overall, I was surprised by how spending time alone with Toby felt natural and surprisingly not scary. I remember the very first night we had Toby at home. Joanna was in bed, and I had four hours alone with him. He was sleeping in the bassinet next to me, and started to stir. I realized that he had never heard music before and that I got to pick out the first song he'd ever hear. I felt like I had a hand in shaping his destiny. Choosing a song on iTunes suddenly felt profound! I decided on "Penny Lane" by The Beatles. It was bright and optimistic, like the first day of spring. It was a magical moment.
3. “My wife acted a little like she was on drugs.”
Up until you have a baby, whatever happened, you and your wife would pretty much respond the same way. You were on the same wavelength. But once the baby arrives, every thing that happens, your wife has a 90-degree different take.
Joanna's highs were higher, and her lows were lower. Her general joyfulness was so high; she was starry-eyed and blissed out. On the flip side, she was more anxious. She was more inclined to take any negative thing to heart—such as Toby fussing while we changed his diaper. I figured his fussing was a small, unfortunate but inevitable thing, but it felt incredibly urgent to Joanna. She got really upset by his crying—for her, it was like an alarm clock was going off inside her. She had an extreme surge of anxiety at any possible sign of disturbance to Toby, whereas I would address his crying but it wouldn't bother me on an emotional level. I just thought, Oh, all babies cry, he'll be ok.
It's like being with someone on drugs. You're on a different plane. You look at your wife, and you have to imagine, 'What exactly are you feeling? How does the world look to you right now?' Then you have to figure out how to respond the way she would want.
Everything does come back down to earth again. Your wife no longer feels those extreme surges at both ends of the emotional spectrum and becomes more like her old self (which is a relief to her, too), and you get more acclimated and feel like your old self. By about month nine, we found ourselves settling back into our old rhythms and feeling like ourselves again (see below:).
4. "I was nervous that my wife would like the baby better."
Maybe it sounds crazy, but a great fear I always had about having children was that my future wife might like them better. In many of my friends’ families growing up, the husband was basically replaced by the kids. There's nothing more primal than the love between mother and infant. I was absolutely worried about being dropped a notch.
Once Joanna was putting him to bed and I heard her tell Toby, "You're my absolute favorite person in the whole world, do you know that?" and I was thinking, "Really? What about me?" It sounds ridiculous, but it was an adjustment not to be the only man in her life. But in the end, I saw that our marriage could never be replaced by a baby—it's such a different thing. That realization was a huge relief.
5. “Children's books are boring.”
I love spending time with Toby, especially when we go on walks or play the guitar. But some baby activities are s-l-o-w. Many women seem to have a tremendous capacity to step outside themselves and see things through the baby's eyes, like reading children's books. But to me, children's books are fundamentally boring. Like, mind-numbing. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is tough sledding.
6. “Everything turned a corner at nine months."
I once heard a theory that babies are inside the womb for nine months, but that they're remain in the gestational period outside the womb for the next nine months.
Everything changed when Toby was nine months old. One day, Toby didn't seem to know who I was (or care!). But the next evening, I got home from work, and Toby was eating dinner in the high chair, and he looked up at me and smiled and shrieked and did jazz hands. He recognized me! It was amazing. I felt like we had truly connected. Honestly, for the first time, he didn't only feel like my baby, but like my son.
7. “I daydream about the future with Toby.”
I daydream about when Toby gets older: listening to music, taking him on boats, teaching him how to cook a great omelet, telling stories about "the old days." I always picture us on hikes for some reason—even though I don't really go on many hikes. My father and I used to sit around for hours some nights and plan my future, and I love the idea of being on the other side of that conversation. I also look forward to imparting lessons that my dad didn't give me—like how to ask out women.
8. “I'm ready for another.”
With your first baby, it's really tough. Every day is a surprise. But now I know that I can do it. Raising a child for the first 12 months of their life is now a skill I have. Having a second baby? Funnily enough, I'm really looking forward to it. :)
Thank you, Alexei! My lovelies, do you think own dads had to adjust to having children? Fellow mamas, did your husbands immediately take to new parenthood, or did they find the transition tricky? Have they said anything about the experience? If you're a guy, what are your thoughts on fatherhood? I would love to hear... xoxo
by Joanna Goddard on Jun 28, 2011 10:04 AM
For today's second Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about new fatherhood. On the three-hour drive home from the beach this weekend, Alex and I started talking about parenthood, and he revealed a few funny and surprising thoughts on our first year with a baby. Here were his eight revelations, in his own words...
1. "I didn't bond with the baby right away."
The experience of fatherhood is thrilling, but so hard at the same time. I loved Toby from the second I saw him. But the first few months, to be honest, were pure adjustment. The baby is so helpless, and you're so clueless, and you don’t have that strong chemical, hormonal and emotional bond with the child, in the same way the mother does.
You spend the first six months of your baby's life cramming this giant rule book. You have to learn everything—how to hold the baby, how to swaddle, how to change a diaper. I had never played with dolls or even babysat, so it was totally, totally new.
I did enjoy it--it was a fascinating odyssey and deeply satisfying--but, secretly, at the same time, if Joanna had walked in and said, "My mom's going to take over for the next month," I would have been thrilled.
2. "Time alone with the baby was surprisingly profound."
Even though I was so lost overall, I was surprised by how spending time alone with Toby felt natural and surprisingly not scary. I remember the very first night we had Toby at home. Joanna was in bed, and I had four hours alone with him. He was sleeping in the bassinet next to me, and started to stir. I realized that he had never heard music before and that I got to pick out the first song he'd ever hear. I felt like I had a hand in shaping his destiny. Choosing a song on iTunes suddenly felt profound! I decided on "Penny Lane" by The Beatles. It was bright and optimistic, like the first day of spring. It was a magical moment.
3. “My wife acted a little like she was on drugs.”
Up until you have a baby, whatever happened, you and your wife would pretty much respond the same way. You were on the same wavelength. But once the baby arrives, every thing that happens, your wife has a 90-degree different take.
Joanna's highs were higher, and her lows were lower. Her general joyfulness was so high; she was starry-eyed and blissed out. On the flip side, she was more anxious. She was more inclined to take any negative thing to heart—such as Toby fussing while we changed his diaper. I figured his fussing was a small, unfortunate but inevitable thing, but it felt incredibly urgent to Joanna. She got really upset by his crying—for her, it was like an alarm clock was going off inside her. She had an extreme surge of anxiety at any possible sign of disturbance to Toby, whereas I would address his crying but it wouldn't bother me on an emotional level. I just thought, Oh, all babies cry, he'll be ok.
It's like being with someone on drugs. You're on a different plane. You look at your wife, and you have to imagine, 'What exactly are you feeling? How does the world look to you right now?' Then you have to figure out how to respond the way she would want.
Everything does come back down to earth again. Your wife no longer feels those extreme surges at both ends of the emotional spectrum and becomes more like her old self (which is a relief to her, too), and you get more acclimated and feel like your old self. By about month nine, we found ourselves settling back into our old rhythms and feeling like ourselves again (see below:).
4. "I was nervous that my wife would like the baby better."
Maybe it sounds crazy, but a great fear I always had about having children was that my future wife might like them better. In many of my friends’ families growing up, the husband was basically replaced by the kids. There's nothing more primal than the love between mother and infant. I was absolutely worried about being dropped a notch.
Once Joanna was putting him to bed and I heard her tell Toby, "You're my absolute favorite person in the whole world, do you know that?" and I was thinking, "Really? What about me?" It sounds ridiculous, but it was an adjustment not to be the only man in her life. But in the end, I saw that our marriage could never be replaced by a baby—it's such a different thing. That realization was a huge relief.
5. “Children's books are boring.”
I love spending time with Toby, especially when we go on walks or play the guitar. But some baby activities are s-l-o-w. Many women seem to have a tremendous capacity to step outside themselves and see things through the baby's eyes, like reading children's books. But to me, children's books are fundamentally boring. Like, mind-numbing. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is tough sledding.
6. “Everything turned a corner at nine months."
I once heard a theory that babies are inside the womb for nine months, but that they're remain in the gestational period outside the womb for the next nine months.
Everything changed when Toby was nine months old. One day, Toby didn't seem to know who I was (or care!). But the next evening, I got home from work, and Toby was eating dinner in the high chair, and he looked up at me and smiled and shrieked and did jazz hands. He recognized me! It was amazing. I felt like we had truly connected. Honestly, for the first time, he didn't only feel like my baby, but like my son.
7. “I daydream about the future with Toby.”
I daydream about when Toby gets older: listening to music, taking him on boats, teaching him how to cook a great omelet, telling stories about "the old days." I always picture us on hikes for some reason—even though I don't really go on many hikes. My father and I used to sit around for hours some nights and plan my future, and I love the idea of being on the other side of that conversation. I also look forward to imparting lessons that my dad didn't give me—like how to ask out women.
8. “I'm ready for another.”
With your first baby, it's really tough. Every day is a surprise. But now I know that I can do it. Raising a child for the first 12 months of their life is now a skill I have. Having a second baby? Funnily enough, I'm really looking forward to it. :)
Thank you, Alexei! My lovelies, do you think own dads had to adjust to having children? Fellow mamas, did your husbands immediately take to new parenthood, or did they find the transition tricky? Have they said anything about the experience? If you're a guy, what are your thoughts on fatherhood? I would love to hear... xoxo
星期一, 6月 27, 2011
Too good to be true
頭痛，昨夜睡得太多，我如今未能入眠。我真的那麼好運，交上了一個我眼中完全沒有丁點缺點的男朋友？
他有吃香的專業他任職於國際銀行他有decent的收入他戶口有decent的現金；他高大厚實他滿身動人的肌肉他常常一把抱起我；他熱愛運動他愛惜寵物；他關心世界時事；他懂得接吻他深諧前戲他令我欲仙欲死他令我十分滿足；他對我慷慨他又適時呷醋；他唱歌好聽他又是一個色士風樂手；他英文好他普通話亦能說；他對我溫柔而且留戀和我一起的時光；他打算給我一個幸福的家；他說如果我有了孩子他寧願我在家照顧孩子；他不吝嗇與我分享他的感受和煩惱他會默默聆聽我的心事並不動聲色地滿足我。他和我一樣享受無聊的你一言我一語。他知道但不介意我的過去。
有冇咁著數呀？
星期日, 6月 26, 2011
乜我地屋企裝過 AUTOCAD 的嗎？
見妹妹舊文：
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
電腦白痴
與一位男演員談電腦呀、遊戲機、手提電話的問題，他回我一句︰在女仔中你都幾IT。我說︰我並非好醒，在同伴中，我是不大懂的那些，若我不懂又常纏着朋友問問題時，人家會罵我為何不懂，雖然最後都會教我 〈當然並不是所有朋友都是，至少阿蟻你好好〉。演員不相信！ 識我的都知我並不是好IT，中文又打唔好，一個Blog的範本都可以攪一日！但我對電腦、科技都有一定的興趣！一天，我讓男演員和女演員看看手提電話中的 Vitas短片〈唔知他是誰?遲啲話你知〉。看完後，
女演員問︰「他真好看，但你怎放入去〈手提電話中〉？」
我說︰「隨電話送了一隻光碟，用光碟中的程式轉的！你的都有。」
男演員說︰「你連電話影片檔都會轉，那你都應知道用遊戲軟件A貨有時要複製Crack。」
我說︰「我知呀！」
他不禁再說︰「女仔中你都幾IT。」
我說︰「並非，其實只懂一些簡單的。」
女演員說︰「不是，至少我唔識！」
我想現今有很多女仔都幾懂電腦！我是皮毛一族，其他有︰高深一族、癲才一族等，當然總有一些是不太懂的，我會一方面是感興趣外，另一方面，是不想 麻煩別人，而麻煩別人更要遭人白眼更唔想！就這樣時世逼人下，當然要自學啦！況且現今科技發達，有問題可上網查，唔明可以再上網問人，又或是得到基本的知識再發問，自己識多啲，人家又可幫你對症下藥，那多好！而且，買高科技時更不會因為不懂而買了無謂或不合需要的東西！
我想男演員身邊一定有很多女仔不懂電腦等問題，所以他才稱奇!女演員說他的意思是欣賞我〈有點羞！謝謝你！〉不過我可遇過一個狗眼看人低的男子，那年家裏 電腦的Display Card壞了，男子幫我們返廠換了，而且順便看看有沒有毒，一齊完好後，我打畀他問有沒有其他問題，他說︰「你們電腦裏軟件真是多！連AutoCAD都有！」我 說︰「對!我們真的有很多軟件，但AutoCAD我用來交功課的！」他說︰「是嗎？你真的會用?」仍然一把不相信的聲音！〈可恨！難道我安裝是用來擺的嗎？〉
我告訴大家，在大學生涯中電腦科是最有用的，而且我大部份的同學門，不分男女都上各類的電腦課程學會用各式各類軟件，甚至是精通!如果不會，那怎去工作，這關係到我們的生活！
我淨係記得 ACDsee 呀。
唔制呀我咁大個女都未玩過 AutoCAD。
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
電腦白痴
與一位男演員談電腦呀、遊戲機、手提電話的問題，他回我一句︰在女仔中你都幾IT。我說︰我並非好醒，在同伴中，我是不大懂的那些，若我不懂又常纏着朋友問問題時，人家會罵我為何不懂，雖然最後都會教我 〈當然並不是所有朋友都是，至少阿蟻你好好〉。演員不相信！ 識我的都知我並不是好IT，中文又打唔好，一個Blog的範本都可以攪一日！但我對電腦、科技都有一定的興趣！一天，我讓男演員和女演員看看手提電話中的 Vitas短片〈唔知他是誰?遲啲話你知〉。看完後，
女演員問︰「他真好看，但你怎放入去〈手提電話中〉？」
我說︰「隨電話送了一隻光碟，用光碟中的程式轉的！你的都有。」
男演員說︰「你連電話影片檔都會轉，那你都應知道用遊戲軟件A貨有時要複製Crack。」
我說︰「我知呀！」
他不禁再說︰「女仔中你都幾IT。」
我說︰「並非，其實只懂一些簡單的。」
女演員說︰「不是，至少我唔識！」
我想現今有很多女仔都幾懂電腦！我是皮毛一族，其他有︰高深一族、癲才一族等，當然總有一些是不太懂的，我會一方面是感興趣外，另一方面，是不想 麻煩別人，而麻煩別人更要遭人白眼更唔想！就這樣時世逼人下，當然要自學啦！況且現今科技發達，有問題可上網查，唔明可以再上網問人，又或是得到基本的知識再發問，自己識多啲，人家又可幫你對症下藥，那多好！而且，買高科技時更不會因為不懂而買了無謂或不合需要的東西！
我想男演員身邊一定有很多女仔不懂電腦等問題，所以他才稱奇!女演員說他的意思是欣賞我〈有點羞！謝謝你！〉不過我可遇過一個狗眼看人低的男子，那年家裏 電腦的Display Card壞了，男子幫我們返廠換了，而且順便看看有沒有毒，一齊完好後，我打畀他問有沒有其他問題，他說︰「你們電腦裏軟件真是多！連AutoCAD都有！」我 說︰「對!我們真的有很多軟件，但AutoCAD我用來交功課的！」他說︰「是嗎？你真的會用?」仍然一把不相信的聲音！〈可恨！難道我安裝是用來擺的嗎？〉
我告訴大家，在大學生涯中電腦科是最有用的，而且我大部份的同學門，不分男女都上各類的電腦課程學會用各式各類軟件，甚至是精通!如果不會，那怎去工作，這關係到我們的生活！
我淨係記得 ACDsee 呀。
唔制呀我咁大個女都未玩過 AutoCAD。
Dream House
「你做乜諗野」
這是他對我說得最多的說話，反而不是我愛你或者你好靚。
雖然我成天在想心事，但有些事情我是不會無情情去想的。例如田先生曾經問我關於退休的問題，又或是小丑神問我關於 Dream House 的問題。（題外話，我見工不下數次對方問我我的 dream job 是甚麼，我次次回答 " i don't dream about a job.") （幾智勇雙全呢衣個答案）（當然你知道如果對方是男人，他一定對我另眼相看啦哈哈哈。）
Dream House 這個想法我一直欠奉。房子如工作，乃俗世的身外物，只是一個歇腳處，夠用就好，那有甚麼夢想不夢想的？
但是最近陪他看房子，當我看見一間千多尺四房巨廳兼連大平台，窗外樹木林蔭處處的單位時，我便知道我心中的 Dream House 是怎個模樣。
其實這種房子一直存在，只是一向不在我視線範圍而已。就像我原本只是戴一副單片眼鏡行走江湖，現在變了一副雙片眼鏡，看事物的距離角度自然有所不同了。
嗯我又在想心事了。我想的是既然業主企硬那個 podium premium, 有沒有另外一些旁門左道的方法逼他減價？我在放大假，明天正好查一查這個業主是何方神聖，然後諗諗計。
星期六, 6月 25, 2011
星期三, 6月 22, 2011
ABC 謀殺案
中學上心理學堂，Mr. Bean 教我們 1+1 不一定等如 2。比如說數個明滅明滅的燈泡，獨立來看就只是一明一滅，但把這些明滅明滅的燈泡順序排成一行，便是一個閃燈訊號。ABC 謀殺案 (The ABC Murders）是我首本 Agatha Christie 的書。
名偵探白羅正面臨一個挑戰。挑戰者可能是一個連環殺手。殺手好像是順著一本按英文字母排列的英國火車時刻表來殺人：安多弗(Andover)的阿雪爾( Ascher)首先死於棒擊，接著是少女巴納德( Bernnard)在貝斯希爾(Bexhill)海濱被勒死，兇器似乎是少女自己的皮帶。第三起謀殺案即將來臨，是哪個城市哪個人呢？
:-)
我喜歡看 Agatha Christie，因為我喜歡從微小的事物看全局；又或相反，考考自己，跳出作者的佈局，合縱連環，由大前題推理出小節的前文後理。
星期二, 6月 21, 2011
Jury Leave
妹妹麗口被法庭傳召當陪審團候選人。我立即著她向公司查問Jury Leave的安排。因為 Leave for Jury Service 在香港是有薪假，但妹妹受聘於港外公司，並長駐外地，所以應該認真查一查。
愛到濃時竟是酸楚之味
女子知道男子很愛她，雖然男子只肯用英文及韓文誓言「我愛你」。女子知道男子很愛她，但千萬別愛她寵她到一發不可收拾，再會頭才發現自己已百年身，早期太用力去愛，後勁反而不能繼續雄風。噢，願主保佑這為男子。
女子知道男子很愛她，抱著她他有時感到一陣酸楚，擁她入懷但同時在費煞思量如何才可以令她的日子從此充滿並只見明媚的陽光。
能量是可以發送及接收的。女子感受到那種能量。女子代自己的父母多謝男子，多謝他如斯愛護他們的女兒。
女子說：「你有否覺得很神奇？」
男子答：「直情撞鬼一樣。」
同時間，感情蜜月期已過，女子及男子要好好為將來打算一下。Good planning is the foundation of everything.
It's automation, not automagic
一天跟一群 programmer 吃早餐，其中一位歎曰公司支援不足，他寫程式時遇上難題，只有靠自己。「那你會如何尋找solution呢？」我放下叉子，追問同事。「到 IBM 網站去找囉，或者上 IT forums。」同事饒有深意地看我一眼，我便笑說：「噢，而部份 IT forums，是被公司網路攔截了的。」眾人大笑。
我非程式員，但有時誤打誤撞也會到各IT forum閒逛一下。記得有一次在一個美國程式網站（Mainframe?），看見一個會員咬牙切齒地高呼“It's automation, not automagic!" 不禁芫爾。
多年前公益金的標語是「幸福非必然」，我活了一把年紀，實在知道世間物事就是非必然，很多事情是automation, not automagic。特別是感情親情友情，在其 automate 之前，必須下一番苦心，用一番功夫，善心細意去經營。
我一向幸運，之前尚會自負地一臉傲氣地說大家愛我，因為我可愛。但現在我比較勤謹，起碼會打電話跟妹妹們閒扯，起碼會多行一步關照別人，起碼會為你穿一身特別的褻衣。
我非程式員，但有時誤打誤撞也會到各IT forum閒逛一下。記得有一次在一個美國程式網站（Mainframe?），看見一個會員咬牙切齒地高呼“It's automation, not automagic!" 不禁芫爾。
多年前公益金的標語是「幸福非必然」，我活了一把年紀，實在知道世間物事就是非必然，很多事情是automation, not automagic。特別是感情親情友情，在其 automate 之前，必須下一番苦心，用一番功夫，善心細意去經營。
我一向幸運，之前尚會自負地一臉傲氣地說大家愛我，因為我可愛。但現在我比較勤謹，起碼會打電話跟妹妹們閒扯，起碼會多行一步關照別人，起碼會為你穿一身特別的褻衣。
星期一, 6月 20, 2011
Stripe shirt
常見的恤衫pattern中，我鍾情條子，並偏愛粉紅或粉藍襯幼白色間子。身段美好的男女，穿上這種修身恤衫，最為養眼。
沒有V字倒三角形身段，但自是腹有詩書氣自華的男子，也可以來一件挺實的白襯衫，像翟紹唐一身簡約的黑白便叫我神往不已......幾時我會認識他真人呢？
星期日, 6月 19, 2011
歡愉
早期的亦舒作品裡常常提醒女子別太擔心三十大關，那不是世界末日，人人都會有三十歲--除非你要在廿九歲死去。
而亦舒作品亦甚少描繪男女纏綿細節，連個大畫面也沒有。【喜寶】一書中，無論是女主角跟年輕的丹尼斯，還是她跟年老的勗先生的上床情節，亦舒都是一步艦過就收檔。
我身為女子，隨著年紀漸長，卻是明暸身體內有很多東西在いきいき地滋長，對追尋肉身歡愉一事，更隨著三十歲的臨在，一天比一天不再狷介。
自然這肉身歡愉是一種快樂。錢鐘書的【論快樂】說他在舊書舖里買回來維尼（Vigny）的《詩人日記》（Journald'unpo te），信手翻開，就看見有趣的一條。他說，在法語里，喜樂（bonheur）一個名詞是“好”和“鐘點”兩字拼成，可見好事多磨，只是個把鐘頭的玩意儿（Silebonheurn'taitqu'unebonnedenie！）。錢鐘書聯想到中文的說法，也同樣的意味深永，譬如快活或快樂的快字，就把人生一切樂事的飄瞥難留，清楚地指示出來。
快樂來匆匆，去匆匆。所以快樂的事更值得我去磨研如何在有限找尋無限。較諸那些生活的死實事宜，比如說是交電費洗衫買賣股票之類，我更樂意花時間去探索男女情愛之事。
而亦舒作品亦甚少描繪男女纏綿細節，連個大畫面也沒有。【喜寶】一書中，無論是女主角跟年輕的丹尼斯，還是她跟年老的勗先生的上床情節，亦舒都是一步艦過就收檔。
我身為女子，隨著年紀漸長，卻是明暸身體內有很多東西在いきいき地滋長，對追尋肉身歡愉一事，更隨著三十歲的臨在，一天比一天不再狷介。
自然這肉身歡愉是一種快樂。錢鐘書的【論快樂】說他在舊書舖里買回來維尼（Vigny）的《詩人日記》（Journald'unpo te），信手翻開，就看見有趣的一條。他說，在法語里，喜樂（bonheur）一個名詞是“好”和“鐘點”兩字拼成，可見好事多磨，只是個把鐘頭的玩意儿（Silebonheurn'taitqu'unebonnedenie！）。錢鐘書聯想到中文的說法，也同樣的意味深永，譬如快活或快樂的快字，就把人生一切樂事的飄瞥難留，清楚地指示出來。
快樂來匆匆，去匆匆。所以快樂的事更值得我去磨研如何在有限找尋無限。較諸那些生活的死實事宜，比如說是交電費洗衫買賣股票之類，我更樂意花時間去探索男女情愛之事。
星期五, 6月 17, 2011
我的身體
我獨居的其中一個原因，便是我喜歡裸體在家走動。我又一絲不掛的站在鏡前。讓我用文字描述自己：我158公分，43kg，大約七頭身的比例，脖子手腳幼長。我的膝蓋骨剛好承接上大腿和小腿的線條。我的骨架子輕，全身都很有肉地。我的胸部是倒覆的碗形，我的臀部是半滿月亮。
我很戀棧我的身體，我希望有一個人愛我的身體如我。我很享受愛撫。我的日子不能缺乏一個親密的伴侶，其實是我身體髮膚的需要。當然精神上的渴慕同樣重要。
爸爸離世後，我常常無故想念麗口和細細妹。麗口奇怪我的忽然緊張。我抱著自己的身體，知道這叫「骨肉相連」。
Picture: The Bleeding Roses by Dali
星期四, 6月 16, 2011
Lingering VS roadmapping
I am really thankful that I got a chance to work with the IT people. I am always good at visualizing but not planning. The association with the IT people in the previous years indeed equipped me with an enhanced planning capability.
I asked him about the roadmap. He said he does bear a roadmap in mind however he would not unveil any detail of the great plan until the moments that the milestones on the timeline are close.
Actually it is not just about dates. It is about objectives and mutual goals. It is about getting aged gracefully, happily and peacefully, together with you.
I would like to lay the foundation of our future with unconditional trust, respect, love, faith and spice. I will try my every endeavor to prevent any negative happening. If something negative must happen, I will make every effort to confine the damage and conclude a positive interpretation.
I will never take you for granted. I shall appreciate and celebrate every moment. I shall take into account of every possible vulnerable spot and make an effort to secure our resilience. When a challenge approaches, I shall see it as an opportunity to review and fine-tune our alignment. We will have the learning curve, but we will be able to safeguard our way.
I understand intelligence is as important as appearance. I accept the fact that you shop your underwear at Giordano as long as you are fine with my Dior nightgowns.
I asked him about the roadmap. He said he does bear a roadmap in mind however he would not unveil any detail of the great plan until the moments that the milestones on the timeline are close.
Actually it is not just about dates. It is about objectives and mutual goals. It is about getting aged gracefully, happily and peacefully, together with you.
I would like to lay the foundation of our future with unconditional trust, respect, love, faith and spice. I will try my every endeavor to prevent any negative happening. If something negative must happen, I will make every effort to confine the damage and conclude a positive interpretation.
I will never take you for granted. I shall appreciate and celebrate every moment. I shall take into account of every possible vulnerable spot and make an effort to secure our resilience. When a challenge approaches, I shall see it as an opportunity to review and fine-tune our alignment. We will have the learning curve, but we will be able to safeguard our way.
I understand intelligence is as important as appearance. I accept the fact that you shop your underwear at Giordano as long as you are fine with my Dior nightgowns.
星期三, 6月 15, 2011
A wall of...
You know I am keeping a wall of books and a wall of drawings. How about a wall of little sculptures?But wait, I stop the fancy when I think about the dusting and cleaning. (I am practical afterall)
Check out Beth Katleman if you are enchanted and interested to know more about turning a plain wall into a three-dimensional art installation.
星期日, 6月 12, 2011
Joy is like the ring
You put the ring on my finger, Joy is like the ring.Slips away and comes again.
Joy is like the ring.
I saw clouds upon a mountain, Joy is like a cloud.
Sometimes silver, sometimes gray,
Always sun not far away.
Joy is like a cloud.
I saw you in wind and thunder, you are tried by storm.
You asleep within my boat,
Whipped by wind, yet still afloat,
You are tried by storm.
You put the ring on my finger, Joy is like the ring.
Bit by bit that our love grows, never it will overflow.
Joy runs in the ring.
星期五, 6月 10, 2011
You need someone strong enough to influence you!
Someone:"You must push yourself together. Stand up and be strong."
70th:"How about we put a reward programme in place?"
Someone:"Sounds good. How about you give me the checklist items first?"
70th:"How about this..."
Someone:"I would like to define the priorities and implement a system of reward and penalty as the following:"
70th:"Evey single violation costs one penalty but it takes the whole month of compliance to get one reward... not fair..."
70th:"How about we put a reward programme in place?"
Someone:"Sounds good. How about you give me the checklist items first?"
70th:"How about this..."
Someone:"I would like to define the priorities and implement a system of reward and penalty as the following:"
70th:"Evey single violation costs one penalty but it takes the whole month of compliance to get one reward... not fair..."
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