星期四, 11月 27, 2008
星期二, 11月 25, 2008
星期日, 11月 23, 2008
日子有限，金錢有限。上趟無計劃布拉格之旅回來埋單計數原來用了差不多三萬港元，我便想，丫下次出遠門真的要諗諗如何提高 return of investment，才可令消費更加有價值有意義。
星期六, 11月 22, 2008
我念大學時十分潛水。從頭到尾，我一個 O function 都沒有參加過。但大學或時代的烽火，並非與我無關。打個比喻，如下：
突然又想起蘇鑰機教授在知道剛畢業的我希望投身 ngo 時，介紹了樂施會的一位副（or 助理？）總幹事給我認識，讓我去打探一下在 ngo 工作，會是什麼的一回事。現在想起來，才明白教授的心意。
星期四, 11月 20, 2008
A 引致 B ，是causal relationship；A 和 B 相關，則是 correlation。
星期二, 11月 18, 2008
星期六, 11月 15, 2008
嗯，我上班一星期便出了一個 event，做十樣野錯十樣野，結果在 event 完結時我非常難過，流下淚來。
初出茅廬（當然煙腸唔算出茅廬）者，常常氣盛而輕狂。出了錯，有些人如我會透過哭泣宣洩情緒，有些人則會透過形形色色的 self defense mechanisms 來令自己好過。
如果我身邊有一時之間未能面對失敗的自己的朋友或工作伙伴，我會將我自己相關的故事與他們分享，並且鼓勵他們振作。一如那時候，我那嚴厲的上司拍拍我的膊頭，告訴我：「你已經 pick up 得很快，多給自己一點時間吧！」
The mechanisms on this level, when predominating, almost always are severely pathological. These three defences, in conjunction, permit one to effectively rearrange external reality and eliminate the need to cope with reality. The pathological users of these mechanisms frequently appear crazy or insane to others. These are the "psychotic" defences, common in overt psychosis. However, they are found in dreams and throughout childhood as healthy mechanisms.
* Denial: Refusal to accept external reality because it is too threatening; arguing against an anxiety-provoking stimulus by stating it doesn't exist; resolution of emotional conflict and reduction of anxiety by refusing to perceive or consciously acknowledge the more unpleasant aspects of external reality.
* Distortion: A gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs.
* Delusional Projection: Grossly frank delusions about external reality, usually of a persecutory nature.
These mechanisms are often present in adults and more commonly present in adolescence. These mechanisms lessen distress and anxiety provoked by threatening people or by uncomfortable reality. People who excessively use such defences are seen as socially undesirable in that they are immature, difficult to deal with and seriously out of touch with reality. These are the so-called "immature" defences and overuse almost always lead to serious problems in a person's ability to cope effectively. These defences are often seen in severe depression and personality disorders. In adolescence, the occurrence of all of these defences is normal.
* Fantasy: Tendency to retreat into fantasy in order to resolve inner and outer conflicts.
* Projection: Projection is a primitive form of paranoia. Projection also reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the undesirable impulses or desires without becoming consciously aware of them; attributing one's own unacknowledged unacceptable/unwanted thoughts and emotions to another; includes severe prejudice, severe jealousy, hypervigilance to external danger, and "injustice collecting". It is shifting one's unacceptable thoughts, feelings and impulses within oneself onto someone else, such that those same thoughts, feelings, beliefs and motivations are perceived as being possessed by the other.
* Hypochondriasis: The transformation of negative feelings towards others into negative feelings toward self, pain, illness, and anxiety.
* Passive aggression: Aggression towards others expressed indirectly or passively.
* Acting out: Direct expression of an unconscious wish or impulse without conscious awareness of the emotion that drives that expressive behavior.
* Idealization: Subconsciously choosing to perceive another individual as having more positive qualities than he or she may actually have.
These mechanisms are considered neurotic, but fairly common in adults. Such defences have short-term advantages in coping, but can often cause long-term problems in relationships, work and in enjoying life when used as one's primary style of coping with the world.
* Displacement: Defence mechanism that shifts sexual or aggressive impulses to a more acceptable or less threatening target; redirecting emotion to a safer outlet; separation of emotion from its real object and redirection of the intense emotion toward someone or something that is less offensive or threatening in order to avoid dealing directly with what is frightening or threatening. For example, a mother may yell at her child because she is angry with her husband.
* Dissociation: Temporary drastic modification of one's personal identity or character to avoid emotional distress; separation or postponement of a feeling that normally would accompany a situation or thought.
* Isolation: Separation of feelings from ideas and events, for example, describing a murder with graphic details with no emotional response.
* Intellectualization: A form of isolation; concentrating on the intellectual components of a situation so as to distance oneself from the associated anxiety-provoking emotions; separation of emotion from ideas; thinking about wishes in formal, affectively bland terms and not acting on them; avoiding unacceptable emotions by focusing on the intellectual aspects (e.g. rationalizations).
* Reaction Formation: Converting unconscious wishes or impulses that are perceived to be dangerous into their opposites; behavior that is completely the opposite of what one really wants or feels; taking the opposite belief because the true belief causes anxiety. This defence can work effectively for coping in the short term, but will eventually break down.
* Repression: Process of pulling thoughts into the unconscious and preventing painful or dangerous thoughts from entering consciousness; seemingly unexplainable naivety, memory lapse or lack of awareness of one's own situation and condition; the emotion is conscious, but the idea behind it is absent.
These are commonly found among emotionally healthy adults and are considered the most mature, even though many have their origins in the immature level. However, these have been adapted through the years so as to optimize success in life and relationships. The use of these defences enhances user pleasure and feelings of mastery. These defences help the users to integrate conflicting emotions and thoughts while still remaining effective. Persons who use these mechanisms are viewed as having virtues.
* Altruism: Constructive service to others that brings pleasure and personal satisfaction
* Anticipation: Realistic planning for future discomfort
* Humor: Overt expression of ideas and feelings (especially those that are unpleasant to focus on or too terrible to talk about) that gives pleasure to others. Humor, which explores the absurdity inherent in any event, enables someone to call a spade a spade, while "wit" is a form of displacement (see above under Category 3). Wit refers to the serious or distressing in a humorous way, rather than disarming it; the thoughts remain distressing, but they are 'skirted round' by the witticism.
* Identification: The unconscious modeling of one's self upon another person's character and behavior
* Introjection: Identifying with some idea or object so deeply that it becomes a part of that person
* Sublimation: Transformation of negative emotions or instincts into positive actions, behavior, or emotion
* Suppression: The conscious process of pushing thoughts into the preconscious; the conscious decision to delay paying attention to an emotion or need in order to cope with the present reality; able to later access uncomfortable or distressing emotions and accept them
Source from Wiki。
我那本寫滿筆記的 psy textbook 入了倉，下次搬屋有望把它翻出來然後在上文每個 mechanism 後面加番d 例子作說明。
星期三, 11月 12, 2008
し し とお
き たびた にち
星期一, 11月 10, 2008
星期五, 11月 07, 2008
七年後，男子第五次到訪秋津溫泉。今非昔比，岡田茉莉子已把溫泉旅館賤賣，母親亦已離世，岡田茉莉子無人無物，連浸浴也得借別人的地方。岡田茉莉子對男子說：「讓我們死吧。」男子當然沒有應允，亦當然和岡田茉莉子上了床。第二天早上, 岡田茉莉子送男子離開, 在他走遠時以男子前一晚修臉用的剃刀割脈自殺。
それから三年、周作は再び秋津にやって来た。荒んだ生活に蝕まれた体の療養だ が、岡山の文学仲間と酒を飲み歩き、終いには新子に「一緒に死んでくれ」と頼んだ。そんな周作に惹かれる新子は、二人で心中を図った。しかし、新子の余り にも清い健康な心に周作は、生きることの美しさを取り戻し帰っていった。
昭和三十七 年、周作は四十一歳。都会生活の悪い面だけを吸収した神経の持主と変ってしまった周作が、松宮の取材旅行の随行員として五たび秋津にやって来た。周作は料 理屋の女将お民をみてびっくりした。お民から新子は“秋津荘"を銀行に売り、母親にも死なれて孤独でいることを聞いた。新子は翌晩、周作の旅館に訪ねて来 た。二人は静かに酒を飲んだ。その晩、初めて新子は自分から「一緒に死んで」と頼んだ。俗悪な中年男となっている周作は、一笑にふし、肉体の交わりだけに 溺れた。翌朝、新子は周作を送ってから、剃刀で手首を切った。知らせを受けて周作が引返した時は、新子は安らかな死顔をみせて、三十四年の生涯に鮮やかな 終止符をうっていた。
如果我的目標是那樣，我隨時可以「拋個身出來」。那種 customer group，我是 accessible 的。
而對方是否有錢，是相對的--相對我自己，有幾多錢？但實情是，收入多我50% 可能已經係1σ頭2σ尾--當然不算有錢人，但絕對是有能力掙取 decent income 的人。
星期四, 11月 06, 2008
CHANGE HAS COME
If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.
It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voices could be that difference.
It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.
It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.
It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.
PARTNERS IN THE JOURNEY
A little bit earlier this evening I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.
I congratulate him, I congratulate Governor Palin, for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.
I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the vice-president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.
And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both more than you can imagine, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House.
And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure. To my sister Maya, my sister Auma, all my other brothers and sisters - thank you so much for all the support you have given me. I am grateful to them.
To my campaign manager David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best political campaign in the history of the United States of America. My chief strategist David Axelrod, who has been a partner with me every step of the way, and to the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.
VICTORY FOR THE PEOPLE
But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.
I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.
It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.
It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; it grew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organised, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from the Earth.
This is your victory.
THE TASK AHEAD
I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.
Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.
There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for their child's college education. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.
REMAKING THE NATION
The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree.
And above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for 221 years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.
ONE NATION, ONE PEOPLE
What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.
So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.
Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity.
Those are values that we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours: "We are not enemies, but friends… though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection."
And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your president too.
AMERICA IN THE WORLD
And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.
To those who would tear the world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you.
And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.
For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.
A HISTORY OF STRUGGLE
This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.
She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the colour of her skin.
And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes, we can.
At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes, we can.
When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes, we can.
When the bombs fell on our harbour and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes, we can.
She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "we shall overcome". Yes, we can.
A man touched down on the Moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes, we can.
THIS IS OUR MOMENT
America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?
This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.
This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: yes, we can.
Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.
It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I've done
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around, trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to
Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
And as for fortune, and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seems to the world they were all I desired
They are illusions
They're not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me
Don't cry for me Argentina
Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do is look at me
To know that every word is true
昨晚我心情不好，十時多一個人上monster sushi。吃過數碟壽司後，我打量一下身傍這一位獨酌的陌生男子。他一身西服，給我的感覺滿似 last friends 內的錦戶亮。他的清酒喝完了，瓶內空空的，我便對他說：「如果我點一支『美少年清酒』，你會否陪我共酌？「美少年清酒」酒精高達十七度，我一個人應付不來。」他對我微笑，並點了點頭。
酒來了，我為他添酒，亦打開了話匣子。他說他是一名鋼琴教師。他說他在演藝進修過兩年，卻不知道是 APA = 演藝。他說 Paganini 不適合用鋼琴彈奏。
星期一, 11月 03, 2008
星期六, 11月 01, 2008
資深的醫生數說そら醫生：「你一個人橫衝直撞，是否沒有出事便認為okay？」我也是個 gamcholia （監粗而黎）的人，所以此話對我來說，很深刻。